Do you have trouble saying “no”? Perhaps you’re someone who wants to avoid conflict at all costs because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.
But does that mean you end up doing things you don’t want to do? Or worse, end up being taken advantage of?
Well, there is a simple solution. There is a way of saying “no” whilst other people still feel appreciated, respected and listened to.
It’s called agreement frames and there are basically 3 sentence starters that are really going to help you create fantastic boundaries.
The first one is “I appreciate . . . and . . .”
Say a friend has invited you to the movies and you’re too tired and you don’t really want to go. You can say:
“I really appreciate the invitation to the movies and it’s so sweet of you for thinking of me, I really need some time to myself because I have been so busy recently”.
The second one is “I respect . . . and . . .”
Say you’re at work and someone is putting pressure on you to get something done really quickly. You can say:
“I respect that you want this project done straight away and in order for me to do it properly I will have it to you on Monday.
The third one is “I agree . . . and . . .”
Say your spouse wants to go on a holiday to Europe but you don’t want jetlag. You can say:
“I agree it would be fantastic to go away on a wonderful holiday and I’d love to go somewhere closer, like New Caledonia, where I don’t have to worry about a long plane trip and jetlag and that way it can be even more relaxing”.
These really are magic sentence starters where you can say “no”, assert yourself and create boundaries where other people also feel respected.